lol yeah! I was in the U.S. army infantry for 6 years, I thought it was funny how they portrayed soldiers becuase it was just so stupid.
Im watching it right now and im picking up stupid stuff left and right. So just for fun (and becuase there is a blizzard going on outside and im bored.) Ill do a little synopsis on this thing from a military perspective. And yea there is some sarcasm in this post.
****************************SPOILERS************** **************************
(I'm not gonna get into the intro training scene becuase that was just too retarded. No unit that ate up would be allowed to take part in a live fire exercise) Anyways, they totally screw it up, and so they are gonna deliver "top secret" equipment to some scientists. (I guess they just haul secret equipment with them for no reason when they go to a training range. I mean its not like you need some sort of security clearance or anything...right?)
Their E5 Sgt(he looks a little old to still be an E5, but he is a moron so who knows.) Tells them the area is TOP SECRET! and that they are not to wander round or talk to ANYONE.
They get there and the place is abandoned. Sarge tells Rambo Mexican to find Col. Redding, becuase apparently having a one man security force is ok if said single man is a elderly colonel. To which Rambo Mexican replies something along the lines of Yes Sir! Sergent! Private! Sir! Mam! and gets scared sh**less by a bunch of birds. Also, I didn't know there was a National Guard, mixed gender, mountain assault unit (with only 2 members who can actually climb a mountain)but in this movie there is, and thats why Pvt. Napoleon has to poop behind cactus's. (Im sure this film made the 10th Mountain division proud...)
Well they get a radio messege and of course Sarge does a 180 and decides they should just carry off a Search and Rescue mission without letting higher (chain of command) know where they are and what they are doing. But hey, Sarge is such a bad ass he doesn't even have to make radio contact with a med-evac for that matter. Hell no, he is just gonna take his merry band of retards and go wander off into the mountains with one mag of live ammo. (Its funny becuase SGT. Millstone is, well only a Sgt. and doesn't have anywhere near the kind of rank to be making calls like that.) Napoleon tells him that its probably not a reasonable idea, but Sarge being the great combat leader he is tells him to STFU and stand on one leg. Meanwhile, suspiciously no one from the rifle range they where supposed to be heading out for realizes they have not showed up. (and they probably don't care becuase they cant shoot worth a damn anyways.)
At this time I am thinking "Where the hell was the rest of their company anyways?!" And what the hell where they doing marching in cadence up the side of a mountain during a S&R mission? I guess staying in step and singing songs is pretty important if your in a rush to save lives. They don't get very far before one of these "elite" soldiers falls though a hole totally screwing up his leg. Sarge more or less tells him to get lost, to which he replies in a Leave it to Beaver type voice: "awww come on sarge!" Yeah you can barely walk, but you wanna climb up a freaking mountain side? Then good ol' Sarge sends him down alone, so he probably wiped out 2 or 3 more times on the way down.
Meanwhile Pvt wussy *ahem* Napoleon finds a guy in the *beep* trying to grab his balls when he is taking a duce. Im not sure HOW they fit that dude in the crapper, or how he was able to breath being submerged in doodoo water but he did.
Him and the one chick try to help him. I also learned that they make special DCU undershirts for females which are low cut tank tops so you could check out there racks. Cool. Not really sure why they decided to take off all their gear and leave their rifles unattended, but they are "special" mountain assault so ok. They are immediately stolen from them.
To make things worse their truck catches on fire. Ive never seen a deuce and a half truck go up in flames within seconds like dry matchsticks but ok too.
Meanwhile the squad still cant get commo. Doesn't matter though becuase I don't think the other two troops even bothered to try and contact them after Leave it To Beaver went ass first though a mouse hole.
I thought it was funny though, that the fat-ass with the speech impediment was the RTO (radioman). Maybe that is why they couldn't get anyone, Fatty probably spit on the radio till it shorted out. Suffering Succotash!!
That had me thinking as to why they could hear someone on a hand held radio, but couldn't seem to get reception on a manpack or stationary TOC radio even though those radios have ALLOT farther range... Anyways some mutants play grab ass with them and Fatty is pretty useless becuase apparently no one ever taught him to fire a rifle. Additionally a fully automatic m4 is news to me. As you would expect Sarge gets wasted during Fatty's blind shoot fest.
I'm not sure who's fault it was actually..Fatty's for not having any clue how to fire his *beep* weapon, or Sarge for hearing gunfire and deciding to jump up walk towards it and yell "WTF was that!?" BAM! Can I get a Darwin award for this squad?
Anyways Sarge is wasted and they gotta bring him back. They try to save him with CPR but apparently these guys never learned that it does not work well to give chest compressions when the victim is still wearing his web gear! Napoleon and the hot blond chick magically appear at this time. (I think they took the escalator)
They gotta get sarge's body down so they come up with the *beep* brilliant idea to strap good 'ol Sarge to the fattest guy they have, and repel down the cliff...but as you might expect his fat ass snapped the rope. (cut my ass!) Im not even sure how the hell he got up there in the first place. Maybe they should of used the 550 cord (rope) to tie their stupid asses together so the wouldn't keep wondering off to get killed?
By this time I think they believe their kevlar helmets are a fashion accessory becuase none of them seem to wear them anymore (even though Rambo Mexican got hit in the head with a friggn rock just prior). Course they don't stay on well if you never wear your damn chinstraps. Who the *beep* they think they are, John Wayne?? I also learn that it is also acceptable in the army (according to this film) for soldiers to have emo haircuts and sideburns.
Anyways then they meet the crazy colonel. The squad's response is to point all their weapons at him and gawk. Apparently dudes been fighting Hill people for a few days, and has throughly got his ass kicked. But, hey! He now has backup, and they have weapons! Rock on! So what does he decide to do? Shoot himself in the head and do a swan dive off the mountain of course. Brilliant.
Next they trick and kill a mutant by setting up a simple ambush. Yey! Was actually pretty easy. They only seem to attack when the idiots wonder off by themselves. (which happens all..the..time) This must have been too much excitement for PFC Martinez as she leaves, unannounced, without here weapon to go off and take a dump. Course she is captured by the mutants and taken to their luxurious honeymoon suite.
Now they think it is a smart to go down into the mines to find her. Funny I don't remember them trying to check on Fatty and sarge when they fell down. They kinda just glanced over the edge and went "eh, he's dead". Apparently hot Latina chicks are more valuable..(not saying I disagree
J/K)
This is when the other dips61T decides to go it alone and "get help" (I.E. ditch them) becuase he is an awesome climber. At this point i'm still thinking...how the hell did Napoleon and PFC Amber "nice rack" Johnson get the hell up there to meet with their squad in the first place?! And why didn't they just simply go down the same way they came? (I think all that random shooting caused a HUGE PLOT HOLE!)
Course Mr. Freeclimber gets offed right away, and I laughed. Go figure. So they go down into the mine. Evidently their sure-fires (flashlights on their weapons) have about the same illumination capabilities of a import Hello Kitty penlight key chain after its been lost under the seat of your car for 2 years.
They get separated AGAIN (surprise) becuase Rambo Mexican has the inexplicable urge to jump giant cliffs, and the black dude has to save his stupid ass.
What ensues is a bunch of them stumbling around the caves being loud as humanly possible and getting their asses kicked. Black dude gets shot and doesn't bother to tell anyone (for dramatic effect), and Rambo Mexican decides to blow himself up by playing tug-of-war with a box of booby trapped TNT. (Also, rumor has it that a almost blind mutant with dusty cracked glasses is a better shot then any of these soldiers with their rifles....I'm not surprised)
They waste all their ammo becuase shooting on full automatic in a enclosed area with no chance of ricochet is just "how they roll" But its cool becuase the 2 girls and Napoleon cupcake all of a sudden get super human ninja powers and kill off the rest of the monsters with rocks and their bare hands. Free climbing down 15 feet of rock? Thats Impossible! Killing 6'4 mutants who have super human strength with your bare hands? now that is do-able!
At the end it says the army reported them as AWOL, (for a tax break is my guess) and the 3 chill out on the mountain as a mutant watches them on his state of the art laptop. (didn't know inbreed redneck miners where so knowledgeable of Vista..or maybe it was XP. They definitely know how to use a webcam.)
The END!
P.S. In the movie's defense, if they didn't make the characters so stupid you would have 25 minuets of film and a pile of dead inbreeds. P.P.S.-If you think this is how your average squad of U.S. soldiers actually act..choke yourself
Zitat von Tyron
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